Elise and some other interns who were serving with another ministry in Thailand.

I can’t help but be sad as I write this post. I was unsure how I would feel when I stepped back onto American soil and truthfully, I’m not 100% sure how I actually feel.

My heart is heavy because I miss my brothers and sisters in Thailand. I miss the children I came to love and cherish, and I miss the kindness I encountered every day.

On the other hand, I am happy to be back and nearly home with my family, friends, and Bear ­čÖé ┬áI am already learning more about myself during debrief in Ft. Myers and am thankful for my time with NMSI and their wonderful staff.

I think I will be confused for a while about what God wants from me. I am doing my best to give my life to God, but at the moment, I’m not hearing much. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous of the people who know they are called to the mission field. I think my heart wants to be but either God does not feel that’s for me, or I am not ready.

Elise, national staff, and some of the kiddos she got to love on this summer.

Being back in the “real world” has also thrown reality at me, and the struggles I felt I overcame while in Thailand are rushing back into my life and quite frankly, it’s very frustrating.

These last ten weeks have changed my life for the better. I have become a stronger believer, learned to love harder, overcome fears and challenges, and most importantly, learned to love God more and show that love to others.

I pray that the next few months give me clarity and reassurance. I am fearful I will never feel peace or find answers to the questions that haunt me, but I am doing my best to place 100% of my trust in God. The grace He has provided is undeniable and I’d be crazy to think He won’t help me during this season of my life.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me in whatever way they could. This trip was incredible and I was touched in more ways than I will ever be able to express.

I love you all dearly. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for loving me unconditionally.

Love always,


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